youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
