she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
