Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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