I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
