Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
