if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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