the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
