so that wasnt chicken after all
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
