Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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