I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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