i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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