it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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