hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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