There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
