I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
