So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
