I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
