The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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