For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
