its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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