dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
