My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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