But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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