White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
