and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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