Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
