dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
