I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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