How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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