I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Mom said you looked used
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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