is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
