Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
