Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
wow bdsm is so cute
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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