dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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