Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
