If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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