no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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