Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
