i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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