some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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