oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
