Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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