Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize