First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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