Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
