ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
