What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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