I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
