I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
