She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
