He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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