Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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