shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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