Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
