if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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