I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize