I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
