Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
