it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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