I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
