I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
