he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
