Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
