my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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