marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
