we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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