Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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