watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
