On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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