Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize